haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
