she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
