when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
