somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
