I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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