So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
