Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
