my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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