I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
