The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
