What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
