GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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