just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
