Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
