I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
