I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
