Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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