i just google imaged poop.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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