So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
