awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
