obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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