do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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