its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
