maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize