Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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