god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
