We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
