PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
