i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
