he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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