Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
