After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
