dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
