fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
