I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
