So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
