I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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