I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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