I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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