Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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