if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
