I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
