The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
