and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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