Someone shit on the floor
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
