I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
