We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
