Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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