Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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