1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
