I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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