So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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