Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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