ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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