Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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