he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
