the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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