Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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