my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
