Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
