come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
