so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
