I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dick has a subreddit
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
