I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
