It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
