for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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