You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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