people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
