but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
