i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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