my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
