We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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