I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
