I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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