It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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