HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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