I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
